Fear and loathing

Posted on: 5 December 2008

Yep, I’m here again for a quick pitstop (WHAAAH what’s happened to the WordPress dashboard, well at least it’s making this pitstop real quick thanks for this QuickPress feature – to think I started in september writing my notes in Notepad as a backup and quick way, offline too… not a bad idea but seems to have faded, anyway…).

Lot’s of effort on my nameblog, which is nice.

But now, I am afraid. I feel like going round in circles.

Last coupla networking dates I had (on monday, phonecall on wednesday) left me a) pretty sure I want to do advertising, the new social media bottom up kind and b) terrified of actually uttering that desire. My mind is throwing obstacles before I can even think the thought. You can’t, no experience, not savvy, you’re not the type, can’t, not wild enough, not glam enough, you’ll fail miserably, no one will want you, everybody wants to do that, you are boring, etc.

And I cower. Same old, same old. I know, I should not. I should “stand up against a sea of troubles, and by opposing, end it.” Instead I sleep. I dream. I write. Wait. For what? Tick tock! Times awasting!! I know.

This time, I know I can make myself put in that phonecall. But jumping over my shadow will not be effective – it is my old strategy, that got me places, but not to “me” (I’ve been to paradise, but I, never been to me).

Courage is not leaping, eyes closed, into the unknown dark, away from the familiar dark. I feel I must walk eyes wide open through the familiar dark, carry it on my sleave, take it with me, and shine it’s dark light on into unfamiliar darkness, where adventure and life await.

But for now, I cower. I write. I think I must define my deepest fear – what if I will be great? If they will want to talk to me, even consider working with me? What if I could work in advertising? My heart starts skipping a beat. I must be on some kind of right track. Taking a deep breath – I’ll be back (or not).

What if the advertising bizz needs a person like me to move forward succesfully into this new direction?

PS cat housefriend came upstairs when I was handling a phonecall that turned out a disappointing way. he knew! he came for comfort. isn’t that brilliant?


1 Response to "Fear and loathing"

I am so glad that kitty knew when you needed him most…….. hang in there, and keep those eyes wide open, and FACE THAT FEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!! It has greatness written all over it!!!!!!!!!!

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