Posted on: 4 September 2008

In a way, I am glad to be writing this here blog. Even if only one other hero reads it.

I just checked back, three days later.

I really like how I describe my thoughts. Especially because after the initial moaning about not feeling well, some interesting stuff does come out. Maybe I should just admit to being a “moany” person. Having to gruntle always before the good stuff comes out.

So, yesterday S. really cheered me up. Thanks love!

This morning, I was still feeling alright.

I got off to an energetic start, little F. still in bed asleep, letting him get all the rest he can. Me behind the PC, some to do lists. But first: to move ahead with that job opening.

Took him to daycare, made me a coffee, did some phonecalls and checked off some to-do’s.
Getting back to that job opening somewhat later. So here I am, having looked and re-looked at it and so on and so forth. The words “procedure” and “vakkennis” popping out of the text. I hate procedures, try to get away with as little vakkennis as I possibly can. I am just not interested. Trying to look at the bigger picture, results, solutions and so on. Conflict territory, watch out! Another warning sign popping up out of the job opening text. And then, how I stumbled through to that PA yesterday. Trying to get some more info. This morning, I “eureka”!-d almost into calling him again, asking for his help. Then I took another look at the jobdescription and nearly vomited. I do not know why this is so hard. Reminisce (but in a negative way) about the call I made to Ineum, upon which they did invite me. My own persuasiveness makes my skin crawl – because I dont want the procedures and the vakkennis- jobs! My energy flowed away from me quicker than it came. I tried going out the house (oud papier), doing some homework. Change of strategy: looking for other jobs. But the feeling remains.

Guess my pointer about not wanting to change that feeling still remains.

Then, I feel like quite possibly I should get back into the coaching business. Since meeting people, talking to them about what matters in their lives, and helping them find solutions is actually what I enjoy doing. The devil in my mind says: yes, when it is talking about yourself! Your friends do not come to you with problems, do they? No one does, do they?

It seems there are no easy answers this week.

Of course, it has started to pour, now. I am going to pick up F. by car (ugh!).

Signing out…


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