Posted on: 1 September 2008

Today was not so good. I felt tired and could not motivate myself. Get out, just do something! Why dont you do something (Britney), Tick tock tick tock la la la la la la lah! Look at your watch girl, you’re still a superhot female, and they’re all waiting for your hot track! (Gwen Stefani) Hating myself for not being able to break through. The pointers did not work for me this time. Well, I managed to fold the laundry and store away the groceries, aside from pouring my heart out on this here blog. Prepared a nice dinner broccoli and potatoes, which Florian liked – he ate very well! I did some reading in the New Century Handbook, which turned out not very useful aside from the “why write”- paragraph, and stared at my Vision III/Dilts Mind Map. Describing my character, starting at the top with my identity and ending at the bottom with my behavior and umgebung. I talked to neighbour K. for a bit. But my flow was definitely lost. The pointers – I did not manage to get out of my self hating mood this time. Maybe I was just too tired – I know I was tired. Worked quite hard on friday and had a busy weekend, taking care of Flo on my own. But the weekend was satisfying. Suppose I cant get my head around something being enjoyable or satisfying and still being tired out from it. I am scared the psychedness from last week has vaporated into thin air and will not prove a lasting motivation. (Or) Maybe old habits – high hopes, deep dissapointments – die hard. I still believe in the joy I feel when working with Dilts’ model, or with some of Deikman’s texts on intuition. Very inspiring, mostly the feeling that I am working on a forefront, an exploratory area of knowledge, where something is about to happen, to breakthrough. I just wish I could find a way to make this into my dayjob and share this joy with others. So far, discussing it with others in most cases leads to disappointing discussions. I am not interested in discussions; I am interested in dialogue en synthesis of ideas. Hm. Maybe I should put out a “want ad”… Use this blog as such, or open a new one to that end… I did find out how to manage multiple blogs in one account, so… Good. Sleeping on it.

Tomorrow is Flo-day. Going swimming in the morning and in the afternoon, I am not sure yet.

Dont check back before tomorrow evening.


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